A Whisper to Mr Shoutie


I hate shouting. I find it very upsetting. And yes – I appreciate the irony of this coming from someone who can get a bit shouty on stage. But this is purely artistic, I assure you. Raising your voice is usually a symptom of unaddressed issues in your life and is often unrelated to the issue at hand.

A loss of control

Mrs Shoutie is included of course, and to me, raised voices are an alarming loss of control which never solve anything. They can also be a bullying method of shutting someone else down with volume, neither of which I like.

My mother was a shouter. She used to rant at great volume about all manner of things, and being an only child, it was generally directed at myself. In fact, it only ever happened in private, and never to her friends.

And as a young woman I continued this behaviour until, during my first longish term relationship, we were having a shouting match, and something clicked in my head – a sudden realisation that this was pointless. From that moment on I refused to respond or participate in shouting. I have to be unbelievably upset to raise my voice and usually only to scream ‘stop shouting!’.

Spitting with anger

Normally if I start speaking very quietly in tense situations, it brings down the general volume. If not, I walk away. ‘I’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down a bit.’

I listen to a fair bit of talk radio and am constantly amazed how many shouty people get on air. Apoplectic, no doubt red-faced, spitting with anger. I appreciate that these people are vaguely entertaining in a voyeuristic fashion. And perhaps it is just my imagination that there are more of them out there than before.

Battle lines have been drawn

Perhaps the current political situation has brought them all out into the open. No longer just content to shout at their spouses, they have finally been given carte blanche to let rip and air all of their views, regardless of bigotry. Battle lines have been drawn, flags are waving, the tribal drums are sounding and factions are screaming at each other across the divide. Yet no-one seems to be listening.

Winning is all now with fingers rammed firmly in ears. Verbal pitchforks are brandished. Pick your side and don’t waver regardless of the cost.

What ever happened to reasoned and calm debate? Whatever happened to compromise? To common sense? It’s become a dysfunctional childhood on a grand scale and the reasonable people are being drowned out by the shouting.

Pick a side

I must confess, that if a certain collection of politicians would get into a malfunctioning helicopter, I would secretly crack open a bottle of champers. And so would you no doubt, though it may a different set depending on which side of the divide you’re on. And so I too have been forced to pick a side, albeit reluctantly and with a great deal of confusion as to how we got there in the first place.

I find that people who start shouting are rarely upset about what they are shouting about. It is generally borne from frustration, low self-esteem, unhappiness and worry about all manner of things quite removed from the argument. So dear reader – if you are this way inclined – next time you raise your voice, ask yourself: What are you really upset about? You may find it’s actually something can you change and which will truly make you happier.



  • Admin says:

    You’re right Joe. I think we’ve all experienced that one.. xx

  • Joe Beer. says:

    I found that people who shout at me are generally trying to, and it feels like it, shout down/ control Me..

    This now, after many years of having relationships and others shout at me in places where there really was no need to raise the voice but for everyone to see and be seen being the “One in control”..

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